My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
