So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
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