Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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