Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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