it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
