can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
