Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize