i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
