Where is the hickey?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
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