I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Randomize
