You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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