That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
We were destined to go to rehab together
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
