ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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