this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
