I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
