Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
