as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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