she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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