You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
