If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
