that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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