It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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