So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
