so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
