I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
