you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
My penis needs a shock collar
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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