i was rollin on her like bob the builder
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
