Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Randomize
