she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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