My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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