Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
