my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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