guys are only as good as the porn they watch
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
My bed smells like the plague
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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