So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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