how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
