Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
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