yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
