As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
