I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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