It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
