And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
