I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
