Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
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