thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
