Ketchup is God's man juice
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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