Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
