Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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