I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
