No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
