Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize