he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
