if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
