I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
