How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
