Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
