I think I won the penis lottery.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
