Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
