I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
