glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
