i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
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