Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
