i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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