His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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