can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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