im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
