if you like me you must not know who I am
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
