So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
