is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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