I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
