the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
