I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
