I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
i need some magic done to my vagina
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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