u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
