I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Enjoy the penises
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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