They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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