I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
