I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
