Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
