Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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