she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
The air was thick with penises
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
