I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize