got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
