thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Randomize
