It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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