um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
