you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
