My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize