: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
