I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
