Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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