I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
