Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
