You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I understand Curling. That high.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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