I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Randomize
