I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
that is very illegal...i love you.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
