We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
