So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
