Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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