I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
