Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
