eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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