There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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