sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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