Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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