I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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