his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
