No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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