Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
