I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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