i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
