So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I cockslap morals
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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