Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Do you have feelings for this penis?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
