Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
