Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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