you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
