you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
