I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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