Pregnant stripper...not hot.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize