I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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