Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
