obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
