hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
