Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
The Olympian is in my bed
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
