I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
