Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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