i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
