i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
